As Bashar (https://www.bashar.org) recently shared (access to specific video is no longer available) a moment is an ever on going and unfolding experience. All is happened at once in time terms. He goes on to talk about the semblance of moment as consciousness jumps but for my purposes, I am still sat at caribou with Duke.

In my linear recently recreated memory experience of that coffee time with them, at the end, the skies darkened, wind whipped and water fell in small sporadic plops, that excited me. Having recently read American Gods by Neil Gaiman, I am now able to invoke the imagery of the fire dancing in the Jinns eyes as his sunglasses hit the ground after a sudden stop in the cab. If fire would have danced in my eyes in response to the excitement I felt as the weather became noticeably fiercer, I would have seen it reflected in Dukes glasses and then the timelines the monad of my consciousness would have chosen to highlight would have been different.

The anthesis to a reflected flame was a large absence of spark. Without my unquestionable devotion/obsession/idealized adoration for them…..We had very little to hang our hat on. We muddled through a couple of hours (in linear time), while astrally disconnecting as many of the chords that bind as possible. Which isn’t as successful as it would be if we were both on board. When I won’t let go, and they don’t really mind if I do or don’t, chord severing in the Astrals looks like Duke holding out a key while I shake my head in chains.

I spent the next few earth hours through infinite timeline jumps watching myself tell my mother how sad I was as a self-sexual, single by design of dissatisfaction with all known relationship models while she strongly encouraged me to consider allowing some woman/man/non gender binary individual to enter my life and become my person.

But whom would hold the same sacred spiritual notions around sex, while staying vegan AF and holding my hand through the latest Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston movie, and what might this person require me to do/be/or have to function smoothly with them?

Digression aside. I am unconvinced Duke actually chooses to have coffee/maintain a friendship with me, while I am thoroughly convinced they have no romantic, sexual or relationship feelings for me, and this is the catalyst for feelings of sadness, and anger and jealousy.

Luckily, these are incredibly beautiful emotions and I am grateful for them. I spent the time home from Kitty’s house after tea (after dinner, after coffee) listening to This Song on repeat which I found on you tube after the radio introduced it to me for the first time tonight, sobbing, singing and leaking tears, juicy dribbles of sadness and jealousy and resentment and bitter disdain, all mixed up in visualizations of myself succeeding at singing Mavis Staples at a karaoke bar, avoiding appropriation by accessing the next level of unity consciousness and doing that singer proud.

Got home. Chopped fruit for four days coz you gotta eat that shit raw, on an empty stomach and if I can’t wake and grab a Tupperware to go then it’s fried bread and crisps for breakfast.

Wrote the before this point here and now we’re…

REWIND.

I’m doing a grid working course with Katie Indicrow and we had our first group call this morning at the beginning of week four. It was me, and one ancient being and another who was here for Atlantis at least. Katie exclaimed about my new energy. Post Atlantis, which explains why I have felt so disconnected from “the land, the myth, the legend”. It was refreshing to hear myself be called a creator being who answered the call to help balance earths energies after the experience of atlantis.

I felt validated, and enlightened. Later upon reflection I accessed a cycle of exploration from my past where I identified with an awesome innocence of being being sent to play in abject darkness. I likened this to going in as a star seed after Atlantis, the drop in consciousness and the self recrimination and guilt felt by the players that remained to disseminate the karma around the oldbies and newbies. I knowingly took up the mantle of karmic debt I did not (in the separated sense) create, like a gajillion beings across the universe at that, this, then time.

I am still allowing the forgiveness of ourselves to occur as it is not yet complete within my sel.